Don't forget

Sunset on the Marine Corps Base

Lying in my hammock enjoying my favorite Beach and a few rays of sun.

Back to Reality

I can't believe its been ten days.  Eric left for Missouri which was pretty hard at first because I was so used to seeing him everyday. Dropping him off at the airport was the worst because it was so sad to just see him go.  It was like leaving a lot of my friends.  I hate driving away and looking for that last wave goodbye.  It makes me so incredibly sad to say goodbye to people.  Something very important to me though IS that last wave, like when someone is pulling away and they look back and wave that one last extra time.  That is a huge sign of friendship to me. I am not surprised how fast I pulled my shit back together after I watched him go though. I immersed myself in some more work and hung out with some good friends.
Thursday a friend and I went for a late night drive to talk about life and ended up climbing this random tree and just hanging out and talking late into the night while watching the moon cross the sky.  Then Friday morning there was this amazing hail storm here with flooding and thunder and lightning.  I wish I had my camera and had braved the rain and wind to take some amazing photos.  Instead I needed to catch a few Z's before Crossfit.
Holy crap CrossFit. I think I am almost overdoing it.  My quads feel like they are going to tear, which is not exactly a good kind of soreness. I like being in good shape and able to flex my biceps, but I also think I need to calm down a bit. I enjoy the workouts though, its nice to have someone else pushing you that hard.  I can't wait to be a coach someday and push other people to their limits and make them achieve things they wouldn't otherwise think that they could.
I worked 5 shifts last week and am going to work another 5 this week. The money is nice and good, but sometimes its a little excessive how much I am at that dang bar.  I like being a bartender though.  I really really enjoy it actually.  But I need to spend my last bit of time here more wisely.
Yesterday Keysa, Mary, and I did a really fun CrossFit workout at the park and busted our butts for 15 minutes. Then I went surfing with Keysa, Jak, and Jordan afterwards where I got totally sunburnt! haha what else is new. We went to see This Means War afterwards which was actually a really funny movie.

I'm pretty happy right now actually. I have a smile on my face, and a full belly thanks to the frittata I just had. I like the people that I'm hanging out with here, and where I am in "life" before moving to Colorado in two months.  I knew that I would be 'fine' when Eric left. I'm always fine. Not that our time together wasn't awesome and totally worth it, but maybe I'm just not ready yet.  Time to move on with my life.  Buying a plane ticket for JFK for April 10th...

Building Legos with my boys

Sweet sweet Friday night :)

Shananigans on the Marine Corps Base

Last night was one of the funniest nights I've had here. There are only five guys left in the whole barracks because the rest recently deployed. These five guys sure caused a ruckus last night because there was no one on duty to reprimand them either. All sorts of things were moved, stolen, or broken. Along with all the craziness they were also yelling how much they hate being in te Marines. They went to smoke in one of the rooms and a few minutes later I went and found the room (which was easy cause they were being so loud) and banged on the door like I was some one important. All you hear is Oh Shit! I banged again and then opened the door to Inch climbing out the window and 3 other guys hiding in the closet and the bathroom.

Swamp Romp 2012

So the swamp romp is basically a 5 mile obstacle run through the "swamps" of the marine corps base in Kaneohe Bay.  Sounds fun right?  When in reality its nasty! Some of the mud that you are running through you are almost positive it has come out of sewage drains... Your legs get stuck in the mud because it is so deep in places, and in other places the water is so deep you can literally go under, which is what a lot of people do (mostly guys).  They dive right into this nasty nasty stuff... I tried to keep my head out of it to spare my hair, and also spare my cape.  I knew it was going to get heavy! And, sadly by the end it was totally soaked, smelly, and super heavy.   I continued to randomly run and allow it to catch the wind so it would billow up.  I wanted to look really cool, which is easy for me obviously :)  I was one of the only people with a cape on, which instantly makes me badass, out of over 1000 participants! I would climb to the top of obstacle and jump off with my cape flying behind me.  That's just what you do as a super squatch!

 Yup, Mary and Keysa made us all t-shirts. 










At the end of the race they have basically fire hoses to spray everyone down.  My shoes and socks went right into the dumpster.  We're saving my cape for the Warrior Dash in March though :) 

Our before and after shots :)

 It took about 5 good scrubbings and shampoos to get the stench out of my skin and hair, but boy oh boy was it worth it!!!!!

Kelly Ripa

You know, I watch her almost everyday, and today she just sucked.  I'm really upset about this!  OK, off to CrossFit!

Workin on my fitness

So this Monday, after 2 hours of sleep Saturday night and then an early morning CrossFitish Supplemental run by me, and 1 1/2 hours of sleep Sunday night(yay for bartending the night shift!), Mary and I ran the Great Aloha Run.  We (literally) passed thousands of people on our run.  No joke.  In a race of 40 thousand people, Mary and I came in 9 thousand something!  Means we beat 30 thousand people!!!!  super sweet.  We ran the 8 miles in style as we zoomed past walkers and made sound effects as we sprinted in between people.  It was fun running on a highway, you'll never get to do that any other time.  It only took us an our forty something, which was awesome considering there were times when we were forced to walk because there was just so many people.  Great time spent with my sister.  And an amazing nap when I got home afterwards :)

Waikiki

Went to Bubba Gump's for lunch today. Not at good as I would have expected!

Game night with my boys

Zane made the game totally himself too! Super creative kid I have here

Blogging about Blogging

A week has gone by and I haven't even noticed that I haven't written.  I think about it sometimes, but I just "don't have the time" or "don't have access to my computer".  Truth is I haven't really been around.  All of my free time outside of babysitting Zane and working at the bar has been spent with Eric.  I'm glad on Saturday I told him I needed a break and uninvited him from the hike I went on with Mary and friends.  One because it was all girls, and two because honestly I don't need to do everything with him.  I forget how used to I am being independent and kind of just living life on my own.  Its so easy to fall into being with someone all the time and letting them take care of you, or planning EVERYTHING around the both of you.  Its even worse when I remember how important it is that I have alone time.  I seriously cannot not have alone time. But how do you explain that to someone who doesn't need that?  Especially when you say, I need alone time, and they are so freakin nice and cute about it that you forget you need alone time and just cuddle up to them instead.  I want things to work out, and last a long long time, but how do you know that is what you really want so soon?  Things zoom past you and you over look others, only to find out a long time from now that those things really bother you and you want to curl up into a corner and cry or pull out all of your hair.  I  don't want to end up like that.  Unhappy.  I'm almost scared of it, and would rather run away now then enjoy the good times that are still yet to be had.
I've been like miserable lately, and that is not because of any one thing. The biggest reason is the bar I work at.  I love being behind a bar. I think its hilarious, and I have a good time doing it.  The hours that I work blow, and I am missing most sunlight hours and working for a total prick.  But the worst part is that a lot of the time I am there alone.  This is not a new thing for me or people that know me, I do not like to be alone for extended amounts of time.  This results in over-thinking and over-criticizing, which results in me being a failure, loser, and undeserving.  This leads to me being unhappy and realizing that I did not move to Hawaii to be at a bar, by myself, in the middle of the day, and not even be drinking.  No joke, I have been there for 5 hours, totally alone.  Boss, cook, nobody.  I am sticking it out because I want a good reference when I move to my next place, and am looking for a bartending job. If I quit I wont get that.  But I don't think I will last there more than another week on the day shift.  The schedule is not up past today, so I am hoping that they put me on the night shift next week, if not, I will be telling them that this is my last week.  Oh well.  I have some money saved up, so its not like I would be totally broke, which I am good at being broke anyway.  Luckily to live here my requirements are to wash the dishes and help out with groceries.  Best deal I have ever seen.  But also it gives me incentive to pass on the love, because one day I will have a friend or sibling in need of free housing, and mine will be ready for the taking.
Its funny, after I type about all of this stuff I don't feel so unhappy anymore.  I'm sitting here with a big smile on my face thinking about this weekend and next Monday and Tuesday.  Eric and I have big plans for Monday night and Tuesday because he has off of work and we want to create something fun for Valentines Day that we missed this past Tuesday.  That day is overrated anyway and totally stresses me out!  Mary reminded me this morning, that even if I do quit Bob's I have much better things to be doing, like sitting at the beach all day catching some sun.  Agreed.  I should  be enjoying those things more before I move to a place that doesn't have any ocean.

This past weekend on Saturday we hiked into the Ka'au Crater.  It was awesome.  There were like 2000000000000 waterfalls, and we climbed up 7 of them til we got to the top and could see the whole valley.  IT was my absolute favorite hike so far, but I didn't bring my camera.  I will be doing it again for sure when Kevin comes in March, and I will bring my really good camera :)

You can't tell how far I am off the ground in this picture, but I muscled myself up this very skinny and awkward tree to get some of the most deliciously ripe Strawberry Guavas I have ever tasted.  They were well worth the climb, and very delicious in my tummy.  There are more pictures of our ridiculousness on facebook, I don't have many pictures because I was using my itouch :(

On Sunday Eric and I went up to the North Shore on his Ducati along the Kamehameha highway.  It was a long ride with big spurts of rain, but very fun.  We stopped for a second to rest, and at that very moment Sara called me, and his mom called him.  Perfect timing for the both of us.  We had lunch in Haliewa at a restaurant called Breakers which was delicious, and then went to lie on the beach in Waianae.  It was cold and rainy and cloudy, but we still went in the water to play in the perfectly sized waves.  The only problem was the pretty uncomfortable ride back on the bike, but our day all together was well worth it.  A hot shower has never felt so good! 
This week I worked on Monday and Tuesday (which is extra) because the other day bartender got married on Valentines Day.  Which is brilliant by the way gentlemen because now you only have to remember one date instead of two, and spend less money on one gift instead of multiple.  Genius!  The only thing that would be better is if her birthday was Feb 14th, because then you would never get in trouble.  Unless you forgot all three, and then I would have to slap you over the head myself.  I  have no idea what my schedule looks like after babysitting tomorrow morning, but hopefully I have a day this weekend to go out and play in the sun with Mary.  Its funny how much I freakin love the ocean, but I barely ever go.  Something is wrong inside this noggin of mine.  Maybe I will figure it out someday.

to be continued...

Predictions for the future

Caught you!

Zane had two weeks to do his report, and didn't start it til we had to leave at 7:15 am. I see this as a window into his future. Even as a second grader.

Prior to me checking his back pack the morning was great. We brought Tyson for a walk and everything.

I'm headed to crossFit at 9 am and then to H and R block to get my taxes did. Later I have to pick up Zane from school. Should be a fun day.

Life the long way

I'm happy to say that I'm at a time in my life where I honestly want time to go slower. I'm finally becoming a half ass bartender so I can feel happier about going to work. My boss(who happens to be one of the biggest tools I've ever met) is constantly degrading me and making me feel like shit at the bar. But this other chick always calls in sick so I've been working a lot of her shifts and now I might get put on the schedule for the night shift which means i won't have to deal with my boss nearly ever. That will be awesome.

Also I've somehow managed to get myself in a situation where I want the whole world to slow down. I love where I am right now and who I've been spending all my time with. Today i didn't get out of bed until after 1. It didn't help that I worked for 15 straight hours at the bar yesterday. Today was my first full day off in 2 weeks, so I took full advantage of it. It's 9 at night right now and I'm already tucked in bed super comfortable. I wish time would stop right now. I love where I am and maybe the most happy I have been in a really long time. It's strange going from being pretty sad last week and almost depressed to now being the happiest I have felt deep down in my chest in a long time. It's funny how things work out. Or maybe how things are planned. I just like where they are and hope they stay here.

Be not afraid of Greatness

This is the new cover photo for my timeline on facebook.  I saw this spray painted on the top of the second bunker at the pillboxes and it instantly caught my attention.  What is it about this saying that I love so much?  I don't consider myself to be great and almighty so everyone should be afraid of me.  I think it is more of an awareness that should be present at all times.  You never really know what you are capable of.  Achieving greater things that you had ever really imagined.  I still can't believe that I made it out of New York.  I feel like I escaped a lot of things that were lingering around me back there.  Its true that I wish I could have brought a few things with me, but its nice to be free of other things.  I miss my friends.  Its cool talking to them on the phone, or writing postcards or to them online, but its not the same. 

I haven't written because I have been busy for one, and two a lot of the stuff that I want to write about is becoming more personal than I was prepared to be sharing with someone that is reading a link that I post on facebook.  But I need to stop being so lazy.  I read an awesome post by a friend who likes to blog, and is crazy obsessed with crossfit and eating healthy.  She was basically yelling about how we need to shape up and actually do the things that we want to do.  Don't be lazy about working out.  If you want to get in shape, or just feel healthier and happier than just freakin do it.  Stop putting it off and waiting for something to happen to you.  You need to make it happen.  If you aren't happy where you are right now, whether its where you live, who you are with, or the job that you're in, then fix it.  Start working on applying for new jobs.  Search for a new place to live.  Start somewhere.  Please just don't complain about it.  It is so important to be happy.  Depression is something that my family struggles with.  I see it in my genetics and it is definitely something that I am scared of.  Sometimes I am just so sad.  There is no reason either. I don't have my period, I am not just being "moody", and I am not just being a big complainer.  I am just sad.  Of course there are things that cheer me up, and I am also good at hiding it.  But I know its in there and I have to fix it. 

Ohhhhhh Monday

So Zane was A real pain in the ass this morning. Made me want to pull my hair out.

But Eric got out of work early, like 8 am so that was nice. We had a long awesome day of food shopping hahahaha I got milk, eggs, and bread.

Had crossfit with Mary and Keysa. It was a great workout because it was for form not time so I felt really good doing it.

Keysa stayed for dinner because Eric wassupposed to be my date but he ended up having to work. I drank way to much wine ( I bought four bottles) and now feel pretty good. Eric came over when he got off work. Maybe we'll go do something fun :)

Long Days at the Bar

Worked Friday all day. Sam came back to base and we tried to make our last night together last as long as possible. I think Sam got 16 minutes of sleep before I had to wake him up to bring him to the airport.
Saturday was the longest day ever. 6:30 am til 3 am I was awake. I worked a double at the bar and it was so not worth it. I'm glad I have Eric to take care of me.
Today was long too. To much bar time. Now Eric and I are watching tv relaxing. He just tortured me for 20 minutes trying to give me a pedicure. What the heck does he know about feet. Ewwwww gross. I fought him off for the most part though.
Babysitting in the morning. Sweet

Ready for work!

Think I'll make tips today? Comment your opinions!

Early mornings with Zane

It's kinda cool waking up and riding my bike here in the dark. It's so quiet outside except for a few passing cars. Friday's are usually a little harder for Zane so I am hoping we make it through in one piece. He didn't freakin finish his math homework again, so that will take an extra half hour or so.
I miss the actual sun rising here because it is blocked by a hill but it's still awesome to see the different colors on the clouds. I usually forget this itouch so I can't snap a good picture. But it's great to be awake for it everyday. Someday I'll have a porch that I will sit on in the mornings and drink my coffee while the sunrises. That's like my life goal. Seriously

I left Sam at home to get some sleep, and I also needed some alone time. Especially after all of my accidents yesterday, I just need to sit by myself and ponder life a little bit.

I work today at the bar. I have a feeling they are going to want me to work a double. We'll see about that because it's Sam's last night. I feel bad he is to young to go out here and we have to somehow get him an id every time. I mean magically acquire and borrow an id. But welcome to America Sam, you aren't legal here yet!

Zane just spent over ten minutes in the bathroom so we are now late for school. Why you might ask? He was playing with this toilet paper roll

Sunrise hikes

The view from Olamana

Yesterday was fun. Sam and I hiked Olamana. It was hotttttttt the whole way up. Sam decided we easily lost 5 kilos each. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful view. It also wasn't crowded. I fell twice on the way home and the second time landed on a bush which was hilarious.

I went to crossFit at night with Mary and Keysa. We got our asses handed to us easily. I cried in the middle, a bit because of pain and a bit because of embarrassment. My right hip has been hurting so super bad still. It's very frustrating and becoming a chronic pain which can't be good. Hopefully I'll work it out just right to make it better.

This morning early Sam, Eric, and I went to see the sunrise. We missed it by a few minutes, but hiked the pillboxes anyway. It was beautiful and quiet. I really enjoyed being up there. On the second bunker someone had slept in their sleeping bag all night. I am jealous and definitely want to do that. It's officially been added to my bucket list. On the way down I was having an important conversation with Eric when both my feet slid right out from under me and I cut open my palm and my pinkie. Oooooo it burned! I told Eric to stop distracting me:) gotta put blame somewhere!

The three of us at the top of the pillboxes

Then Sam and I rented kayaks and went out to the first of the two Moks ignoring the warning not to be there after noon. The wind was super strong and the waves were nuts! We finally made it all the way there and on the last wave my kayak flipped and I went under. The way back was a much better ride, but we left before 12 so I'm sure it could have been much worse. We checked out flat island and then went back to Kailua beach. My kayak once again flipped my on the last wave. But this time a bunch of people saw me and it was shallow so I flattened myself out because I had a feeling it would hit me, which it did, on the back of the head and I cut my knee up pretty bad. My luck is just out there today. And the ocean stole my sunglasses!

Enjoying the morning

Koooooooooooowee

Sam taught me how to make that call today while at Manoa Falls.  K with lots of o's a w and then some e's.  Yup.

Busted Armmmm

Mary was sick this morning so she had to miss school, and I thought I had to babysit Zane at 6, but read my email wrong, so I woke up early for no reason.  After some extra napping all around, we all felt better and decided to go on this "great hike that has a waterfall at the end where you can swim in pool".  Well the hike was cool and fun, up until I fell and busted up my arm a bit down cardiac hill as its known. Then we finally made it to the "waterfall" which was all dried out. On the way back up the massive hill, I was forced to sing as many Disney songs as I could remember as loud as I could so Mary and Sam could keep track of me.  I was pretty far behind and totally exhausted.  I think it is a combination of lack of sleep and working to much on my feet.  The floor at the bar is not right for standing all day.  We need better mats or something.  Yeah, so I sang my face off and thought of Laura Warden because her and I to this day will sit on my couch at home and watch a Disney movie before anything else.  And sing along of course.  I rocked out Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and Little Mermaid.  I was only caught twice by other hikers, and it was only semi embarrassing.

Mary super peaceful at the waterfall

I learned at 6am that Rob really needed me after school today to pick Zane up from school. I "allowed" Sam to fully entertain Zane with soccer, while I sat on the couch for a hot minute.  It worked out well, especially for Zane who found his new idol and role model in life.


Now we are getting some awesome pizza from a place called Peppino's.  Nate says we have 5 minutes til we leave to go pick it up!  YUM!

Love where you are and you'll make it work

Now that we've been back for a few days I'm not sure how exciting I'll be able to make this post. You see we got back late thursday and I had to wake up early Friday to bring Zane to school. Worked at the bar friday, got hammered that night. Worked basically 11 am to 3 am Saturday. And then 10 am to midnight Sunday. That's way to many hours at the bar for not enough tips. Sam says it would be alright if I actually got paid by the hour like in Australia(20 fuckin dollars an hour! Minimum behind a bar) Here I'm proud to say I make 5 an hour after ungodly taxes. But I'm having fun and should hopefully only be doing nights soon.