*Live Free - Breathe Deep*

 I was obviously spending a lot of time with Jordan :)  He was on leave for two weeks, so that made it pretty easy! Now that he is back to work I have been able to go on a few adventures all by myself.  Allow me explain more....

 

Yesterday was my going away party.  I get overwhlemed with a lot of people around... I know, you wouldn't always know that, so it was fun, but I got exhausted.  I got some AWESOME going away things though, like shot glasses, and salt and pepper shakers.  Keysa and Mary made me this amazing poster collage of a lot of my pictures from while I was here, and oh boy did I do a lot!

We went on a cool hike called Likeke in the morning, which I had never done, so that was cool that I got to do one more new hike before I left, then we went home and packed up my stuff :( Glad I got it out of the way though.

Saturday was my last full day with Jordan.  It was perfect, nothing crazy or special, just stuff that we like to do.  Which made it even better because it was what we both wanted to do, not what he 'thought' I wanted to do.  mmmm I'm gonna miss Mochi Ice cream.  And Teddy's Bigger Burger! haha After a two hour hammock nap, and a walk on the beach our day was coming to a close. I was super happy which is so important because when I was leaving Australia I was devastated.  That was so hard, and is still hard to think about today and makes my stomach hurt.  I'm glad I have so many good things to look forward too.  Like Jak said, "I'm fluid, I could go anywhere"

Friday was the Sub ball - so super awesome.  Mostly we just did a photo shoot on our hotel Lanai, enough said.

But Friday morning I had my FINAL dentist appointment for my front tooth, for now.  3 1/2 hours.  3 trips of Novocaine. WAH! But now I have a beautiful front tooth!

Thursday, Mary was sick from school, but she felt better in the afternoon so she took me the beach to play.  Pineapple Ice cream from the Dole Plantation is AMAZING!

Wednesday I has my second dentist appointment, was totally numbed up, the whole left hand side of my face - then I went straight to get a tattoo.  Boom sauce.

Wednesday night I got to spend some well deserved time with Inch.  We didn't get to do yoga on the beach, but we did get to spend some quality time talking about life, listening to music, and stealing nail polish.  We stood out by the ocean and talked about how to be happy out here, even when things seem to be at there most miserable. Its nice to be reminded that everyone should find something to look forward to everyday. Even if that thing is not going to happen that night, it should happen in the near future, and you should be able to look forward to it.  Maybe a new yoga class, or a running club that you joined and enjoy the people.  I like to look forward to going to crossfit or waking up early enough to be able to go see the sun rise up above the horizon.  I look forward to the next time I see my friends or my next move.  Right now I am looking forward to Sub Ball with Jordan, Keysa, and Chuck, and then my going away festivities on Sunday.  I'm going to hike the pillboxes tomorrow morning after sunrise and maybe read my book up there, just one last time. 

What are you looking forward to right now? Dinner? That's cool.  Cuddling with your certain someone tonight? I love it.  Think of something and make it happen, don't be where you are and be unhappy. 

Emotional Anna is in Action

Why do I always get like this?  Its nothing new at all, and I totally saw it coming - the random crying and being upset for no reason.  Yeah sometimes I have totally valid reasons for being upset, but then there are other times, like some today, when there is no reason for me to be sad, and all I want is to be home wrapped in my blankie.  Which is where I am now, and I feel much better.
Interestingly enough Alec called me yesterday to ask me how I was doing.  I haven't talked to him in a while, but he knew I would be getting sad right about now before I leave.  It sucks that this lasts over a week before I go, and I know I will continue to be sad after I leave.  I mostly hate when I take it out on the wrong people, especially those who only know me so well, and aren't really sure how to deal with me. 
I know how I 'should' be feeling right now though.  My feelings are my feelings and I shouldn't try to control them, I should embrace them.  I should appreciate all of the awesome things I have in my life right now.  Let's make an 'I appreciate' list so that I feel better. No matter how big or small, whatever you appreciate you appreciate, and you should not let anyone take that away from you.  Things I appreciate:
My sister and being able to confide in her and hang out with her and cook with her and help her out with stuff in the house or getting in shape or just smiling more often.
Jordan and how he smiles at me.
Hanging out with Keysa and being able to just show up at her place late at night and invite me in and how we can share clothes and knowing she is coming to visit me in Colorado.
Titus, cause he loves me and sits under my chair whenever I'm home to keep me company.
Being able to hike whenever I want to and see awesome beautiful views.
Getting to cook awesome delicious dinners with people.
Being invited to sub ball, and having so many awesome women volunteer to go shopping with me.
Eating Nutella straight out of the jar.
My hammock.
CrossFit and how sore it makes me.
How super blonde my hair has gotten and tan my skin is.
I'm in maybe the best shape I have ever been in.
I have money in the bank.
I get to sit and drink coffee everyday.
I have a really awesome pair of sunglasses that the ocean has not managed to steal from me yet.
Surfing with Keysa.
The fact that the word Keysa is not in spell check so her name always gets underlined.
I get a new front tooth on Wednesday.
I get to see some of my best friends in Colorado super soon, and they are all super willing to take me in and let me crash at their places.

I have no idea what the future holds.  I think that is actually scaring me a whole lot, which is what is making me cry.  I have just a general plan, but I truly have no idea.  What, I'm just going to pack up my car and head out west?  Sleep in my hammock and tent for a while?  I wish Alec was getting out of school earlier so that we could travel together.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about night time by myself.  I wish I would finish my applications to schools, but I don't know where I am going to be this fall.  I would love to be able to have a sure answer of that, but I think that is just not in the cards right now.  WHY am I even worried?!?! I know it will work out, and I will get a job, and an apartment, and a real bed, and maybe even a dog! and it will be great.  Just as great as my run on sentences.  And as great as the ridge line hike that Jordan and I did yesterday.  Super scary in the clouds, but over all an amazing 6 1/2 hour experience.  Today is his last day off, and then he's back to work.  I'll have a lot of alone time next week, so we will see how my emotions hold. I think I'll be ok.  I have to be, because crying is fine.  Its just the way I am.  A super sensitive kid who likes to dress funny and talk way to much, and make the most out of things.

Boat Ride to A Sand Bar after a 3 a.m. Attempt at Heaven

Now wouldn't it be awesome if there was actually a real bar out on the Sand bar???  That would be so sick!!  Jordan rented a boat so that 10 of us could enjoy a 4 hour trip out in Kaneohe Bay to the sand bar.  Its awesome looking at the sand bar when you are driving on the highways up above, but even better when you are out there playing football in the middle of the ocean.  Super crazy how the currents make it just right to keep all this sand in one place, where during low tide it gets so shallow that you can lay out on the sand!  It was so great that my sister and Nate were able to come.  I like spending time with them, it will be sad when I can't just whenever I want anymore.  Titus and Gizmo came and gave quite the show in the water.  It was such a fun relaxing day!  Jordan even let me drive on the way home, that was awesome :)  My favorite part was when we stopped after the water got deep and super dark blue and jumped in.  The water was so clear and refreshing.

At 2:40 a.m.  I woke up Keysa and Mary so we could go meet up with Chuck and Jordan to do the stairway to heaven hike.  We got there at about 3:50 and the security guard was already there. He turned us away, and denied our entrance to Heaven. So frustrating.  We turned around and followed the old road under H3 all the way to the H3 tunnels.  Then we decided since it was only 4:30 that we should still get to see the sun come up. We drove to the Lanikai Pillboxes and hiked the whole thing after watching a sunrise that was very cloudy.  It was still awesome though because the 5 of us were just sitting on one of the bunkers talking and laughing.  I decided I was going to name my first child Leviticus after the book in the bible, and we met a kid who had slept there all night who was quite hilarious also.  Even though it was windy and cold, it was an awesome beautiful morning.  Followed by a nice hike to the end where I got to spend more time with my sister.

We were home by 8:30 in the morning, and had already been up for 6 hours, and still had 4 more hours til the boat.  I watched some Bones while Jordan went to crossFit and did a double crazy 21-15-9 workout.  I crashed at exactly 8 p.m. and almost slept through the night.  Oh! but that was after the most AMAZING dinner hand crafted by Keysa and I.  Salad with lots of greens, orange cherry tomatoes, and strawberries, okinawa sweet potatoes with coconut milk, and lemon, garlic, ginger salmon.  Holy bajoolie yum!

Talk about being Happy

Two weeks left.  Crazy how fast time goes.  I've been here for five months.  I'm barely ever home anymore though.  Jordan and I have been doing crazy amounts of activities lately because his friend is visiting from Maryland.  We've packed in so much fun stuff into not enough time!  The only problem with that is that time has been going by really fast. So my days seem really short, even though I've been waking up between five and six everyday.  Yesterday was Jordan's birthday and it was a freakin blast.  We had an awesome breakfast, both guys got to nap, pb and j for lunch, a hike to a waterfall where Tim got to jump off, a really nice fancy dinner, and then out to a cool ass bar call Rum Fire where I had a Lava Flow delicious concoction!  Yum!

Its a cool feeling being sure of yourself with someone.  Feeling super comfortable, and knowing that you can say whatever on your mind (which I do anyway) and not have to worry about that person judging you in a rude, mean, or upsetting way.  Its not very often when you are able to just be yourself.  You know how at school you have to be proper, can't say the wrong things in front of other teachers, or let them think that you don't know as much as they do. When I was at the bar I wasn't necessarily on my best behavior, it was more that I had to be more accepting of things that I might not normally be comfortable with.  Luckily I could dress exactly how I wanted to with bright colors, spandex shorts, and knee socks.  Even at crossfit I feel like I have to act tougher than I am.

Actually it seems like every place I move I am a little different part of me.  The way I dress most specifically, not so much how I act.  I display the different sides of me.  Pants in Rochester, dresses at home, spandex in Hawaii, teachers clothes in New Mexico, anything but normal clothes in Australia.  I like the me that is here.  I like how I feel in what I wear and how comfortable and confident I am in what I am wearing.

I like how comfortable and confident Jordan makes me feel. Its pretty awesome actually.  It makes me wonder what I was doing with some of the past guys that I was dating...  Ones that didn't make me feel appreciated, or weren't trying to impress me after the first few days. Its not that easy to win someone over, its kind of like a lifetime thing.  Make them feel awesome forever and they should (or at least I will) treat them accordingly.  Relationships are a two way street.  Why would you not want to do a million and one awesome things for the person you are with?  Why would you instead get in a huge fight with them because they dont want to stay out as late as you, and they didn't bring you any beer home?? (this weekends discoveries of bad relationships 101) Treat other people how you want to be treated.  As Momma Gena has taught me, "If you are confident in your body, feel great in what your wearing, you emit an aura of awesomeness and people will notice.  If your man calls you a goddess and treats you like one then the way you treat him will make amazing results."  And then time together will be that much better.

Jordan is the first mature guy I've been with, and he has his shit together.  Oh boy oh boy I'm excited!

On another note, Take life how it comes and enjoy it.  You only live once, so if on your birthday you want to go on a hike instead of the gym then freakin enjoy it.  Whats more memorable; going to the gym, which you do everyday, or hike to a beautiful waterfall deep in the woods.  If you want to eat brownies for breakfast one day, fuck it, get right on in there! If a movie sounds really good and your bed is looking extra comfy, just enjoy it.  Life goes so fast, and you'll find yourself working really hard, especially sometimes at jobs that you don't really even enjoy. Enjoy the time off, and smell the warm breeze around you.  As the great poet Keysa once said, "Life is a marathon, not a sprint."  Take it slow and look around.  You might find something exciting, or even the "one" :)

Flight tickets home

Leaving Monday night the 16th, getting in Tuesday night.  Have a friend picking me up from the airport in Newark, then heading up to Saugerties. Plan on leaving New York on the 19th.  Let's see how all this pans out...

I am gonna miss this

It's finally hitting me how I've taken for granted some really great things about being out here. My goal is to stop everyday and take a really deep breath and take in what's around me instead of just looking past it or through it. Feel the wind on my skin and enjoy those sensations that don't come your way everyday. Today was eye opening in general, but last night we hiked the pillboxes and it reminded me of why i love being up there with the wind blowing through my hair. With nothing important enough at that very moment to make me rush or skip that last little bit of breeze as you come along the last bend and the last viewpoint.

Moral of the story is to stop and breathe deep. <3

Don't forget

Sunset on the Marine Corps Base

Lying in my hammock enjoying my favorite Beach and a few rays of sun.

Back to Reality

I can't believe its been ten days.  Eric left for Missouri which was pretty hard at first because I was so used to seeing him everyday. Dropping him off at the airport was the worst because it was so sad to just see him go.  It was like leaving a lot of my friends.  I hate driving away and looking for that last wave goodbye.  It makes me so incredibly sad to say goodbye to people.  Something very important to me though IS that last wave, like when someone is pulling away and they look back and wave that one last extra time.  That is a huge sign of friendship to me. I am not surprised how fast I pulled my shit back together after I watched him go though. I immersed myself in some more work and hung out with some good friends.
Thursday a friend and I went for a late night drive to talk about life and ended up climbing this random tree and just hanging out and talking late into the night while watching the moon cross the sky.  Then Friday morning there was this amazing hail storm here with flooding and thunder and lightning.  I wish I had my camera and had braved the rain and wind to take some amazing photos.  Instead I needed to catch a few Z's before Crossfit.
Holy crap CrossFit. I think I am almost overdoing it.  My quads feel like they are going to tear, which is not exactly a good kind of soreness. I like being in good shape and able to flex my biceps, but I also think I need to calm down a bit. I enjoy the workouts though, its nice to have someone else pushing you that hard.  I can't wait to be a coach someday and push other people to their limits and make them achieve things they wouldn't otherwise think that they could.
I worked 5 shifts last week and am going to work another 5 this week. The money is nice and good, but sometimes its a little excessive how much I am at that dang bar.  I like being a bartender though.  I really really enjoy it actually.  But I need to spend my last bit of time here more wisely.
Yesterday Keysa, Mary, and I did a really fun CrossFit workout at the park and busted our butts for 15 minutes. Then I went surfing with Keysa, Jak, and Jordan afterwards where I got totally sunburnt! haha what else is new. We went to see This Means War afterwards which was actually a really funny movie.

I'm pretty happy right now actually. I have a smile on my face, and a full belly thanks to the frittata I just had. I like the people that I'm hanging out with here, and where I am in "life" before moving to Colorado in two months.  I knew that I would be 'fine' when Eric left. I'm always fine. Not that our time together wasn't awesome and totally worth it, but maybe I'm just not ready yet.  Time to move on with my life.  Buying a plane ticket for JFK for April 10th...

Building Legos with my boys

Sweet sweet Friday night :)

Shananigans on the Marine Corps Base

Last night was one of the funniest nights I've had here. There are only five guys left in the whole barracks because the rest recently deployed. These five guys sure caused a ruckus last night because there was no one on duty to reprimand them either. All sorts of things were moved, stolen, or broken. Along with all the craziness they were also yelling how much they hate being in te Marines. They went to smoke in one of the rooms and a few minutes later I went and found the room (which was easy cause they were being so loud) and banged on the door like I was some one important. All you hear is Oh Shit! I banged again and then opened the door to Inch climbing out the window and 3 other guys hiding in the closet and the bathroom.

Swamp Romp 2012

So the swamp romp is basically a 5 mile obstacle run through the "swamps" of the marine corps base in Kaneohe Bay.  Sounds fun right?  When in reality its nasty! Some of the mud that you are running through you are almost positive it has come out of sewage drains... Your legs get stuck in the mud because it is so deep in places, and in other places the water is so deep you can literally go under, which is what a lot of people do (mostly guys).  They dive right into this nasty nasty stuff... I tried to keep my head out of it to spare my hair, and also spare my cape.  I knew it was going to get heavy! And, sadly by the end it was totally soaked, smelly, and super heavy.   I continued to randomly run and allow it to catch the wind so it would billow up.  I wanted to look really cool, which is easy for me obviously :)  I was one of the only people with a cape on, which instantly makes me badass, out of over 1000 participants! I would climb to the top of obstacle and jump off with my cape flying behind me.  That's just what you do as a super squatch!

 Yup, Mary and Keysa made us all t-shirts. 










At the end of the race they have basically fire hoses to spray everyone down.  My shoes and socks went right into the dumpster.  We're saving my cape for the Warrior Dash in March though :) 

Our before and after shots :)

 It took about 5 good scrubbings and shampoos to get the stench out of my skin and hair, but boy oh boy was it worth it!!!!!

Kelly Ripa

You know, I watch her almost everyday, and today she just sucked.  I'm really upset about this!  OK, off to CrossFit!

Workin on my fitness

So this Monday, after 2 hours of sleep Saturday night and then an early morning CrossFitish Supplemental run by me, and 1 1/2 hours of sleep Sunday night(yay for bartending the night shift!), Mary and I ran the Great Aloha Run.  We (literally) passed thousands of people on our run.  No joke.  In a race of 40 thousand people, Mary and I came in 9 thousand something!  Means we beat 30 thousand people!!!!  super sweet.  We ran the 8 miles in style as we zoomed past walkers and made sound effects as we sprinted in between people.  It was fun running on a highway, you'll never get to do that any other time.  It only took us an our forty something, which was awesome considering there were times when we were forced to walk because there was just so many people.  Great time spent with my sister.  And an amazing nap when I got home afterwards :)

Waikiki

Went to Bubba Gump's for lunch today. Not at good as I would have expected!

Game night with my boys

Zane made the game totally himself too! Super creative kid I have here

Blogging about Blogging

A week has gone by and I haven't even noticed that I haven't written.  I think about it sometimes, but I just "don't have the time" or "don't have access to my computer".  Truth is I haven't really been around.  All of my free time outside of babysitting Zane and working at the bar has been spent with Eric.  I'm glad on Saturday I told him I needed a break and uninvited him from the hike I went on with Mary and friends.  One because it was all girls, and two because honestly I don't need to do everything with him.  I forget how used to I am being independent and kind of just living life on my own.  Its so easy to fall into being with someone all the time and letting them take care of you, or planning EVERYTHING around the both of you.  Its even worse when I remember how important it is that I have alone time.  I seriously cannot not have alone time. But how do you explain that to someone who doesn't need that?  Especially when you say, I need alone time, and they are so freakin nice and cute about it that you forget you need alone time and just cuddle up to them instead.  I want things to work out, and last a long long time, but how do you know that is what you really want so soon?  Things zoom past you and you over look others, only to find out a long time from now that those things really bother you and you want to curl up into a corner and cry or pull out all of your hair.  I  don't want to end up like that.  Unhappy.  I'm almost scared of it, and would rather run away now then enjoy the good times that are still yet to be had.
I've been like miserable lately, and that is not because of any one thing. The biggest reason is the bar I work at.  I love being behind a bar. I think its hilarious, and I have a good time doing it.  The hours that I work blow, and I am missing most sunlight hours and working for a total prick.  But the worst part is that a lot of the time I am there alone.  This is not a new thing for me or people that know me, I do not like to be alone for extended amounts of time.  This results in over-thinking and over-criticizing, which results in me being a failure, loser, and undeserving.  This leads to me being unhappy and realizing that I did not move to Hawaii to be at a bar, by myself, in the middle of the day, and not even be drinking.  No joke, I have been there for 5 hours, totally alone.  Boss, cook, nobody.  I am sticking it out because I want a good reference when I move to my next place, and am looking for a bartending job. If I quit I wont get that.  But I don't think I will last there more than another week on the day shift.  The schedule is not up past today, so I am hoping that they put me on the night shift next week, if not, I will be telling them that this is my last week.  Oh well.  I have some money saved up, so its not like I would be totally broke, which I am good at being broke anyway.  Luckily to live here my requirements are to wash the dishes and help out with groceries.  Best deal I have ever seen.  But also it gives me incentive to pass on the love, because one day I will have a friend or sibling in need of free housing, and mine will be ready for the taking.
Its funny, after I type about all of this stuff I don't feel so unhappy anymore.  I'm sitting here with a big smile on my face thinking about this weekend and next Monday and Tuesday.  Eric and I have big plans for Monday night and Tuesday because he has off of work and we want to create something fun for Valentines Day that we missed this past Tuesday.  That day is overrated anyway and totally stresses me out!  Mary reminded me this morning, that even if I do quit Bob's I have much better things to be doing, like sitting at the beach all day catching some sun.  Agreed.  I should  be enjoying those things more before I move to a place that doesn't have any ocean.

This past weekend on Saturday we hiked into the Ka'au Crater.  It was awesome.  There were like 2000000000000 waterfalls, and we climbed up 7 of them til we got to the top and could see the whole valley.  IT was my absolute favorite hike so far, but I didn't bring my camera.  I will be doing it again for sure when Kevin comes in March, and I will bring my really good camera :)

You can't tell how far I am off the ground in this picture, but I muscled myself up this very skinny and awkward tree to get some of the most deliciously ripe Strawberry Guavas I have ever tasted.  They were well worth the climb, and very delicious in my tummy.  There are more pictures of our ridiculousness on facebook, I don't have many pictures because I was using my itouch :(

On Sunday Eric and I went up to the North Shore on his Ducati along the Kamehameha highway.  It was a long ride with big spurts of rain, but very fun.  We stopped for a second to rest, and at that very moment Sara called me, and his mom called him.  Perfect timing for the both of us.  We had lunch in Haliewa at a restaurant called Breakers which was delicious, and then went to lie on the beach in Waianae.  It was cold and rainy and cloudy, but we still went in the water to play in the perfectly sized waves.  The only problem was the pretty uncomfortable ride back on the bike, but our day all together was well worth it.  A hot shower has never felt so good! 
This week I worked on Monday and Tuesday (which is extra) because the other day bartender got married on Valentines Day.  Which is brilliant by the way gentlemen because now you only have to remember one date instead of two, and spend less money on one gift instead of multiple.  Genius!  The only thing that would be better is if her birthday was Feb 14th, because then you would never get in trouble.  Unless you forgot all three, and then I would have to slap you over the head myself.  I  have no idea what my schedule looks like after babysitting tomorrow morning, but hopefully I have a day this weekend to go out and play in the sun with Mary.  Its funny how much I freakin love the ocean, but I barely ever go.  Something is wrong inside this noggin of mine.  Maybe I will figure it out someday.

to be continued...

Predictions for the future

Caught you!

Zane had two weeks to do his report, and didn't start it til we had to leave at 7:15 am. I see this as a window into his future. Even as a second grader.

Prior to me checking his back pack the morning was great. We brought Tyson for a walk and everything.

I'm headed to crossFit at 9 am and then to H and R block to get my taxes did. Later I have to pick up Zane from school. Should be a fun day.

Life the long way

I'm happy to say that I'm at a time in my life where I honestly want time to go slower. I'm finally becoming a half ass bartender so I can feel happier about going to work. My boss(who happens to be one of the biggest tools I've ever met) is constantly degrading me and making me feel like shit at the bar. But this other chick always calls in sick so I've been working a lot of her shifts and now I might get put on the schedule for the night shift which means i won't have to deal with my boss nearly ever. That will be awesome.

Also I've somehow managed to get myself in a situation where I want the whole world to slow down. I love where I am right now and who I've been spending all my time with. Today i didn't get out of bed until after 1. It didn't help that I worked for 15 straight hours at the bar yesterday. Today was my first full day off in 2 weeks, so I took full advantage of it. It's 9 at night right now and I'm already tucked in bed super comfortable. I wish time would stop right now. I love where I am and maybe the most happy I have been in a really long time. It's strange going from being pretty sad last week and almost depressed to now being the happiest I have felt deep down in my chest in a long time. It's funny how things work out. Or maybe how things are planned. I just like where they are and hope they stay here.

Be not afraid of Greatness

This is the new cover photo for my timeline on facebook.  I saw this spray painted on the top of the second bunker at the pillboxes and it instantly caught my attention.  What is it about this saying that I love so much?  I don't consider myself to be great and almighty so everyone should be afraid of me.  I think it is more of an awareness that should be present at all times.  You never really know what you are capable of.  Achieving greater things that you had ever really imagined.  I still can't believe that I made it out of New York.  I feel like I escaped a lot of things that were lingering around me back there.  Its true that I wish I could have brought a few things with me, but its nice to be free of other things.  I miss my friends.  Its cool talking to them on the phone, or writing postcards or to them online, but its not the same. 

I haven't written because I have been busy for one, and two a lot of the stuff that I want to write about is becoming more personal than I was prepared to be sharing with someone that is reading a link that I post on facebook.  But I need to stop being so lazy.  I read an awesome post by a friend who likes to blog, and is crazy obsessed with crossfit and eating healthy.  She was basically yelling about how we need to shape up and actually do the things that we want to do.  Don't be lazy about working out.  If you want to get in shape, or just feel healthier and happier than just freakin do it.  Stop putting it off and waiting for something to happen to you.  You need to make it happen.  If you aren't happy where you are right now, whether its where you live, who you are with, or the job that you're in, then fix it.  Start working on applying for new jobs.  Search for a new place to live.  Start somewhere.  Please just don't complain about it.  It is so important to be happy.  Depression is something that my family struggles with.  I see it in my genetics and it is definitely something that I am scared of.  Sometimes I am just so sad.  There is no reason either. I don't have my period, I am not just being "moody", and I am not just being a big complainer.  I am just sad.  Of course there are things that cheer me up, and I am also good at hiding it.  But I know its in there and I have to fix it. 

Ohhhhhh Monday

So Zane was A real pain in the ass this morning. Made me want to pull my hair out.

But Eric got out of work early, like 8 am so that was nice. We had a long awesome day of food shopping hahahaha I got milk, eggs, and bread.

Had crossfit with Mary and Keysa. It was a great workout because it was for form not time so I felt really good doing it.

Keysa stayed for dinner because Eric wassupposed to be my date but he ended up having to work. I drank way to much wine ( I bought four bottles) and now feel pretty good. Eric came over when he got off work. Maybe we'll go do something fun :)