Holy Crap I'm Sad

I made it back home safely last night after about 24 hours of traveling.  Well I was in the same clothes for 24 hours...

Yummmmm Breakfast!

Sun burn on the belly

I spent an amazing last day with my two favorite ladies, waking up at 5 to go see my last Hawaii sunrise, and then sitting for two hours to talk about our Colorado-Utah-Arizona road trip. I got a fantastic breakfast made for me, and then the three of us hung out on the beach to catch some serious Hawaii rays. "I tan like a lobster" as Mary says.  She better be careful about those amazing lines of burn from spraying sunscreen just carelessly enough!

I think Minnesota

Jordan met us at 5p.m. crossFit and Eric let me make up my own WOD because it was my last crossFit. 15 AMRAP of 500m run, 10 pull ups, 10 Thrusters at 45#, and 10 Double Unders.  Holy shit HARD! I made it 3 full rounds and a run.  I was fully packed almost from Sunday, and just needed to add a few more items to be completely packed.  I said some super sad good byes, and then Jordan drove me to the airport.  And thank God because there was no way I could have hauled my bags alone.  We got there at 8:15 for my 8:50 flight, and apparently they had already closed the ticketing. I got in line to buy a ticket for later, and heard someone on a walkie talkie saying that they were missing one person for the Seattle flight.  I yelled out "That's me!!!!" and somehow not only got on my flight, but also was not charged $90 extra for my super heavy bag, was stamped a gold member so I skipped the security line, and had my huge over stuffed carry on checked underneath the plane.... for free.  Boom sauce.  Saying goodbye to Jordan super sucked, and was super rushed.  I kept looking back while sending all my stuff through the scanner and wishing I wasn't leaving him.  I almost told him I loved him, which I am not sure if that is totally 100% true yet, and just wanted to run and leap over the turnstile to give him one more hug.  It has never been so hard to leave someone, and I didn't stop crying until I fell asleep on my first flight.  I woke up with my head on the old man's shoulder next to me and my leg pressed against his, totally invading his personal space... woops!  He wished me good luck in life when the flight was over.

sunset from an airplane

 Robert came and picked me up from Newark. Best idea ever, because we never run out of stuff to talk about, and we could start planning our cross country trip together to Colorado.  We met up with Katina at the Astoria Beer Garden, another amazing idea, both the beer garden and Katina.  She talked to me about boys while Rob was on the phone, and with him we chatted about anything.  It kept my mind off leaving which was great, but I knew the sad thoughts were lurking somewhere.
Today I woke up at 11:30, technically not late, but the latest I have slept since before Hawaii for sure.  I didn't go to sleep until after 2, so that barely counts as sleeping in.  I got to hang out with my dad for a bit, and he made me breakfast, then my mom came home and she made me coffee.  Best parts about coming home.  Then I started on my room.  It was like 2 in the afternoon, and now its 11 at night...  There was a delicious dinner in between, but I guess I didn't realize exactly what was still in my room.  I hadn't even brought my suitcases upstairs yet.  I went through my room in a circular pattern, starting somewhere near my bed and just going through everything.  I found a lot of cool old stuff, including some love letters from high school which made me smile with the memories and silly things we used to talk about.  I threw away all of my old magazines that are for teenagers, and went through all the knick knacks that I have been hoarding.  Well, most of them. I even got a shelf or two cleared off which was necessary, and made a huge pile of clothes to send to Mary because I know they are things that she and Keysa will wear.  I still have a shit load of clothes, at least 3 times as much as Mary, so I know I need to part ways with some more.  Its just so freakin hard!  Maybe after this summer when I am getting my own apartment and will need to have less stuff.
So I got through my room, and then it was time to work on the suitcases and put my clothes away.  I opened them up, got my socks and underwear in drawers and then just started bawling. Like my mouth hurt because I wouldn't open it, but it wanted to open so bad to just cry.  I am so sad that I am not with my sister anymore.  I don't want to put my clothes back in my drawers here.  I know its only for a few weeks, but I can't even stand thinking about that transfer from Hawaii to here. I had to stop.  I'm considering leaving all of my stuff in my suitcases for now, at least until I can do it with out so much emotions.
 I didn't realize I could possibly miss someone so much.  Like I have been sad before, even pretty depressed at times, but what I feel right now is pretty awful.  My teeth are clenched together and I have a lot of tension running through me.  I know I will see Mary again soon, and she's my sister so she will always love me.  And Keysa is coming to visit me in May, so I know I will see her soon too.  But leaving Jordan super sucks.  I know it must be something special if I am so dang upset about it, but jeez, is it necessary?  He told me I will see him no later than July, but WAHHHHH! I don't want to wait that long.  Its for sure strange to go from seeing someone everyday to a huge gap of nothingness.
 Ugh its like leaving Australia in that aspect, except I knew I would never see Anthony again, which was ok because our relationship ran its little course, and we knew it would end that way.  I'm happy to see he is happy and engaged now to a high school sweet heart, and that my sadness after leaving there may not have only been for him but for the whole place.  I definitely feel a sadness for leaving Hawaii.  Its easier though because my mom is always bringing it up, which is instead making me angry, so I am not as sad about it.  Yes, I have anger issues when it comes to my mom.  I have made it approximately 18 hours, and have still not fought with her.
I don't know how long I can stay home-home.(I call my parents house home-home because I have a different "home" every 3 -5 months, so I like to keep things specific, especially when I am signing).  I think I need a Boston visit with my nephews and new niece.  I'll help Angela out around the house, hold the babe, stay up late talking with Ang, and hang out with my boys.  Win-win for me.

home-home

I'm definitely still on Hawaii time, as I just got hungry for dinner, even though I already ate dinner a few hours ago. hmmmm that must have been lunch.  Til tomorrow and more pictures, and hopefully some laughter and smiles too.