Emotional Anna is in Action

Why do I always get like this?  Its nothing new at all, and I totally saw it coming - the random crying and being upset for no reason.  Yeah sometimes I have totally valid reasons for being upset, but then there are other times, like some today, when there is no reason for me to be sad, and all I want is to be home wrapped in my blankie.  Which is where I am now, and I feel much better.
Interestingly enough Alec called me yesterday to ask me how I was doing.  I haven't talked to him in a while, but he knew I would be getting sad right about now before I leave.  It sucks that this lasts over a week before I go, and I know I will continue to be sad after I leave.  I mostly hate when I take it out on the wrong people, especially those who only know me so well, and aren't really sure how to deal with me. 
I know how I 'should' be feeling right now though.  My feelings are my feelings and I shouldn't try to control them, I should embrace them.  I should appreciate all of the awesome things I have in my life right now.  Let's make an 'I appreciate' list so that I feel better. No matter how big or small, whatever you appreciate you appreciate, and you should not let anyone take that away from you.  Things I appreciate:
My sister and being able to confide in her and hang out with her and cook with her and help her out with stuff in the house or getting in shape or just smiling more often.
Jordan and how he smiles at me.
Hanging out with Keysa and being able to just show up at her place late at night and invite me in and how we can share clothes and knowing she is coming to visit me in Colorado.
Titus, cause he loves me and sits under my chair whenever I'm home to keep me company.
Being able to hike whenever I want to and see awesome beautiful views.
Getting to cook awesome delicious dinners with people.
Being invited to sub ball, and having so many awesome women volunteer to go shopping with me.
Eating Nutella straight out of the jar.
My hammock.
CrossFit and how sore it makes me.
How super blonde my hair has gotten and tan my skin is.
I'm in maybe the best shape I have ever been in.
I have money in the bank.
I get to sit and drink coffee everyday.
I have a really awesome pair of sunglasses that the ocean has not managed to steal from me yet.
Surfing with Keysa.
The fact that the word Keysa is not in spell check so her name always gets underlined.
I get a new front tooth on Wednesday.
I get to see some of my best friends in Colorado super soon, and they are all super willing to take me in and let me crash at their places.

I have no idea what the future holds.  I think that is actually scaring me a whole lot, which is what is making me cry.  I have just a general plan, but I truly have no idea.  What, I'm just going to pack up my car and head out west?  Sleep in my hammock and tent for a while?  I wish Alec was getting out of school earlier so that we could travel together.  Then I wouldn't have to worry about night time by myself.  I wish I would finish my applications to schools, but I don't know where I am going to be this fall.  I would love to be able to have a sure answer of that, but I think that is just not in the cards right now.  WHY am I even worried?!?! I know it will work out, and I will get a job, and an apartment, and a real bed, and maybe even a dog! and it will be great.  Just as great as my run on sentences.  And as great as the ridge line hike that Jordan and I did yesterday.  Super scary in the clouds, but over all an amazing 6 1/2 hour experience.  Today is his last day off, and then he's back to work.  I'll have a lot of alone time next week, so we will see how my emotions hold. I think I'll be ok.  I have to be, because crying is fine.  Its just the way I am.  A super sensitive kid who likes to dress funny and talk way to much, and make the most out of things.